Thursday, November 6, 2014

Posthumous

I'm on the train to teach and I'm surrounded by people. And all I keep thinking is how alone I am. As the tears well up. And I think about how hopeless I feel and wonder where all my dreams and ambitions went. When did I lose them? How? Did they fall out of my pockets? Spill onto the sidewalk? Did they fall at the same time you did?

Every day feels so hard. That same monotony. That same feeling of nothing. Nothing. No thing.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Psyche + Eros

You asked me why I was single, once.
"I'm too busy. Plus I don't believe in love," I told you.
You thought that was sad.
But you said you were too busy to be dating anyone, too.
Yet somehow we found time for each other.
Six dates in one week.
Countless messages, phone calls.
So many inside jokes as we wove the web of our private world.
In secret, for we didn't want to share what we had.
And then you left for your adventure, as you had planned.
"I'll see you soon," not "goodbye!"
Because you were coming back.
Because I was never good at goodbyes.
So instead you wrote me postcards on your travels.
You invited me to come join you, on the back of your bike.
See the world together.
We talked about what would happen when you returned.
We planned an idea of a life together.
Planned our next adventures.
Batgirl and the riddler. Against the world.
Our alter egos in our private world.
A world that's gone now. Broken into a thousand pieces.
Now that you're gone.
How can life go on when you're not coming back?
When every task seems a chore.
When every little thing reminds me of you.
Last time we spoke you told me I owed you a poem.
But this isn't what I was supposed to write.
It was supposed to be about happiness, love.
It was supposed to be about anything but this.
So now you go on to your next adventure.
Through the fields of asphodel and into elysium.
Into the great beyond.
Your taught me it was okay to love again and I fell for you.
Over and over again.
Forever in my heart, forever in my love.
I miss you already, Al.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Al

I LOVED YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

The Model

I came to see you in Baan Tai.
Baan fucking Tai.
Well I guess it's not that far when you're already in Koh Phangan. Really.
You picked me up on your motorbike,
Like nothing had changed.
"Hey you," you said in that accent,
Like nothing had changed.
From last year when you lived in Sydney,
When we spoke every day.
When I was falling for you,
And when I was just a game.
I remember once, asking if you were happy.
"No. But I'm trying to be. Every day."
I wonder if you're happy now,
In Baan fucking Tai.
Where it's always summer,
Where you're always loved,
Where you ran away to.
And where I found you,
For just five days.
Where I tried to holiday.
And where you tried,
To start over.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Taylor Squared

So here I am. It's only 2:12am.
And my pupils? Totally dilated.
They've been like that for a while,
Before midnight. Before I saw you.
Traipsing back to your apartment,
As I stumbled, in arms, to the next bar.
That girl on your arm.
Like me but smaller.
Like me but different.
Do you cook her dinner?
Watch movies together?
Take baths?
Is it the same with every girl?
Or am I different? Am I the girl?
The girl who should have been a mansion.
The girl who should have been a home.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Coming Down

It's 4.15am
And I'm thinking about you.
Naturally.
I threw the flowers away today.
Four weeks later.
How they lasted so long I'll never know.
So I'm thinking about you.
And your smile. And your lame lame jokes.
And how much I cared (in so little time).
And I'm thinking, of course, how you'll never be mine.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

"You're Beautiful"

Sometimes it can suck, being five foot two,
Like when I can't reach the memory, of you.
You wrote those words up so high on my glass,
Before you left, that's when I saw you last.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll wipe you away,
Or maybe I'll see you again, one day.